Conservative Poetry

In 2006, the once respectable publication National Review belched forth a list of the 50 best conservative rock-n-roll songs. Some obvious choices were "Taxman," "Sweet Home Alabama," and "Revolution" for its total pwning of Chairman Mao. More curious inclusions were ditties like "Sympathy for the Devil," "Who'll Stop the Rain," and that ode to lawlessness, “I Can’t Drive 55.” Oh, well, you know what they say: no accounting for wing-nut taste.

More recently they followed up with the best conservative movies. "The Lives of Others" is conservative for demonstrating the perils of governmental spying and torturing, while "The Dark Knight" is conservative for showing the benefits of anonymous, cowled citizens spying and torturing.

Which of the other lively arts shall the Right appropriate? Most conservative graffiti? Most conservative Mapplethorpe photos? I wish to discuss that poetry which could be considered most conservative. Here's an example:

Richard Cory, by Edward Arlington Robinson

(For fear of copyright infringement I won't publish the whole thing, but the first stanzas refer to how cool and bad-ass Richard Cory is, and the final stanzas are:)

And he was rich, yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine -- we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked and waited for the light,
And went without the meat and cursed the bread,
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet in his head.

See? Even though you're so destitute that you curse the very bread that gives you sustenance, sometimes rich people commit suicide! So there! Suck it, poor people! Rich people have problems too! Kwitcher belly-achin'!!!

But my nominee for conservative poet laureate is Ogden Nash, that stalwart warrior of righteous cultural versification:

On proper parenting:

A bit of talcum
Is always walcum.

and

Many an infant that screams like a calliope
Could be soothed by a little attention to its diope

On the decline of morality in pop culture:

In the Vanities
No one wears Panities

On the virtue of capitalism:

Certainly there are lots of things in life money won't buy, but it's very funny
Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

On not engaging in risky behavior:

If called by a panther
Don't anther

And, finally, on the decline of Western morality:

Purity
Is Obscurity